The Photographic Evidence!

Download full report of Ireland's Extremities (PDF, 9.8M)




Our challenge for the Ireland's Extremities trip was simple in concept:

• Visit North, South, East, West and Centre of Ireland
• Climb the highest mountain in each of the four provinces
• Use mountain-bikes and be unsupported (carry all gear) for the trip
• The bikes and all the gear to go with us, up the mountains too

At 800-odd miles, we carved it up into a neat 8 days and booked our B&B's, which looked doable enough as long as we could make good progress on the mountains with everything on our backs.

And so it turned out. The mountains were hard going in places, and we had some very long days (up 17/18 hours!), but a lot of the time was eating and chatting, both of which we are well-practiced at!

The challenge team started out as Davy, Rick, Enda and Mark, but unfortunately Mark had to leave us on the Thursday due to a prior engagement, so we completed the trip as three. Mark does have the mental and physical scars to prove he was there for most of it anyway!!

To the extremities, ...and beyond!!

Brow Head, the REAL southern-most point of Ireland, just a couple of miles away from Mizen Head. Google it if you don't believe it!

Carrauntoohill in Kerry is a very dangerous mountain. We were glad of our guide Brian Galvin, who got us up and down late in the evening of the first day. Happily, we were able to bike much of it on the way down once we had cleared the crags, ridges and boulder sections. A pretty technical climb in places, though, given the packs and bikes on our backs.

Garraun Point on the Dingle Peninsula, just north of Slea Head - the weather was actually gorgeous, despite how dull it looks, and we spent quite a bit of time just taking in the views.

Mweelrea in Mayo was a brutal climb - horrible, horrible. The terrain on the lower slopes on Killary Harbour was energy sapping, just deep grass and hags and steep crags, and there is nothing rideable on the way down. Nobody seemed to be able to give us decent advice on the best way up and down, and there were no obvious paths, so it is clearly not climbed very much! Also, we climbed to the top of the first spot-height by mistake, then had to descend a fair bit to take on the main hill. Wind was HOWLING, but once the hail and cloud cleared, we had amazing views.

Hill of Uisneach, High Seat of Ancient Provincial Kings of Ireland, and Ireland's centre-point. A MAJOR disappointment - this sign is about as interesting as it got!

Lugnaquilla in Wicklow was a stroll in the park. We dandered up it compared to the others, and were able to bike nearly all of it down from the top. It was pretty misty, but a well-worn path showed us the way, so our only challenge was getting up and down before the Army closed the mountain for the firing range, which we JUST managed, eventually being shown off the hill by the lads in green!

Slieve Donard in County Down we know very well, but we were surprised at how long it took us, as all the steps that have been built made riding down very difficult and/or dangerous on the rigid bikes. So it was a carry most of the way down Glen River to the tree line. But the view off the top was awesome, above the clouds.

Burr Point on the Ards Peninsula we had visited last year on Day 1 of The Ulster Way, but this time we were nearing home, and the wind was on our tails.

Malin Head was a welcome sight. The scenery was incredible, ending a perfect day of unbroken sunshine with a strong wind on our backs.

Extremity Cycle Finished!

8 days unsupported with the mountain-bikes, 800 miles, the N, S, E and W of Ireland and the highest mountain in each province, with bikes and packs going up and down everything.

The three of us (Tango & Cash and Enda) were happy bunnies to finally hit Malin Head in County Donegal at 4:30pm on Saturday 30 May 2009.

Epilogue to publish in the coming days.

Follow Us on Twitter and GPS!

If you are unspeakably bored, you have already counted all the ceiling tiles in the office, and you then happen to wonder where we are during 23-30 May 2009, you should get a rough idea at http://twitter.com/ExtremityCycle/

Enda is going to operate the thing, starting probably Friday night, so if the content is brutal...

Supposedly the following shows where we happen to be at any given time on the GPS thing. Good old Enda again!

Precise Route for Ireland's Extremities Trip

View Larger Map

Contact us if you would like to join us for the craic at any point. We start pedalling from Mizen Head, Co Cork, on 23 May at 8am.

We Are Accepting Donations to NI Children's Hospice

We head off for Mizen Head to begin our Ireland's Extremities trip on 22 May. Final details of where we hope to be, and when, will be posted shortly.

Any support you can offer us through donating to this very worthy charity would be much appreciated, but we won't hold it against you if you don't donate!

Visit Ireland's Extremities donations page on JustGiving.com

The Awakening! Ireland's Extremities

It's been a long, cold winter, not that we saw much of it, as we slumbered soundly and built up our fat reserves for 2009.

Finally wakened on the 1 March by the crows starting to build again, it took the anniversary of the murder of Julius Caesar, followed by the St Patrick's Day celebrations, to finally motivate us to whip off the double duvet and spring to life.

We're back on the bikes for another epic from 23 - 30 May 2009, to try and make ourselves even more miserable than we were on The Ulster Way in May 2008... we're going for Ireland's Extremities - North, South, East and West, plus the highest mountain in each of the four provinces of Ireland, all with the bikes and all our gear, unsupported, in 8 days.

It would be great to have a few of the old crew join us for bits (or all) of it, so drop us a line if you want any details. Mark and Enda are already on board for the trip.

Rough Itinerary:

(Note, we plan to take a good lunch stop every day for a MASSIVE feed of chicken and chips, so it's not all bad!)

22 May - Travel to Crookhaven near Brow Head (which is the true South point, and NOT Mizen Head), getting a lift all the way

23 May - Bike circa 90 miles to Carauntouhill (highest point in Munster, and Ireland), climb it with bikes, then bike 10 miles to Killorglin B&B

24 May - Bike circa 120 miles to Tarbert B&B (on the Shannon), via Garraun Point on the Dingle Peninsula (West point)

25 May - Quick ferry over Shannon, bike 40 miles to Doolin via Cliffs of Moher, ferry to Aran Islands, have lunch, circle island on bikes, ferry to Rossaveel, bike 40 miles to Killary Harbour B&B

26 May - Speedboat across Killary Harbour, climb steep side of Mweelrea (highest point in Connaught) with bikes, then bike circa 100 miles to Athlone or thereabouts, TBC

27 May - Bike circa 90 miles to Donard B&B, Co. Wicklow, via the geographical centre point of Ireland at Ballymore, just outside Athlone, the Catstone.

28 May - Climb Lugnaquilla (highest point in Leinster) with bikes, bike circa 90 miles to Ardee or thereabouts, TBC

29 May - Bike circa 100 miles to Belfast or Antrim, via speedboat across Carlingford Lough, climbing Slieve Donard (highest point in Ulster), ferry to Portaferry, and Burr Point on the Ards Peninsula (East point)

30 May - Bike circa 100 miles to Malin Head (North point), getting the ferry at Magilligan to Greencastle, and after we get there, get a lift back home to Antrim.

31 May - DO NOTHING

The Long Sleep Continues... Zzzzzzzz

God Rest Us Merry Gentlemen

2008 AD has been a fantastic year's craic for Tango & Cash. We got new blazers, won some races, bombed some, rode the complete Ulster Way, put on a stone between us, and it looks like we will still be home for tea.

Merry Christmas to everyone we have raced with and against over the year, and for all those who have provided us with so many laughs.

Now it's time to take stock... and make lots of GRAVY with it, pour it over everything we can find, eat solidly from now until 2009, and pause only to drink port and draw on fine Cuban cigars.

Look forward to seeing you in the New Year.

(Photograph inspired by Electric 6)

Bluestacks!! CCAR Race 29 November

It was cold and icy, but clear and still, for the final race of the CCAR series 2008, and it proved to be another superb outing – stunning scenery in Donegal’s Bluestack Mountains, a brilliant course, well-organised, a great reception of food and drink afterwards, and great banter amongst the competitors as usual.

Pissing Wand took the win on the day, with Tango & Cash romping to second, just ahead of Deliverance Brothers. Lucky for the rest of us, the McCabe Brothers’ navigating was not as reliable as it normally is (ahem!), and if they had not made any mistakes, they would have won the race by miles.

In terms of the 2008 series overall, Passing Wind took that title too, with Tango and Cash grabbing second just ahead of Uphill Struggle.

RACE REPORT - Do not proceed until you have consumed several cups of strong coffee.

We gathered at about 9:00am at the Bluestack Centre in Letterbarra, just outside Donegal town. The still slippery conditions at 10:45am dictated that the field would best be broken up by a quick run, rather than starting with fifty competitors taking off on bikes in a bunch, and the run did break things up just a bit. There was a fast bunch, a slow bunch, and then just us plodding along between the two, with about a hundred yard gap front and rear.

Our transitions were clockwork all day, and after the short run, we were onto bikes quickly and out the gate as the third team, just behind Pissing Wand and the McCabe Brothers, who were already lost by the time they had reached the front gate of the centre, haha!

Once the McCabes had worked out that they should have turned left out of the centre, they, along with Passing Wind, established an early lead of a few hundred yards. Deliverance Brothers caught up with us but we held with them and kept the leaders in sight to CP3, getting there just after Pissing Wand and just ahead of Deliverance Brothers.

The underground pipe-run was despatched without incident, and we made our way along the short single-track to Shirley and her ‘drink the piping-hot unseasoned famine-soup’ task. Davy was rubbish at this and I ended up downing both soups; we left for the angling club just behind Pissing Wand, and happened to see the McCabes (who had been in first place), heading off up the road in completely the wrong direction.

The next challenge was to get one of the bikes dismantled and strapped onto a kayak for the paddle up Lough Eske, which we managed pretty quickly and got to paddling just ahead of Passing Wind. The McCabes had by now realised the error of their ways, and were in the water about 50 yards behind. With no wind, the water was like glass and the scenery quite amazing across the water, the snow-capped mountains in the distance.

We managed to hold off the challenge of Pissing Wand in the boats for about the first km, but then a combination of being a bit fat, and the boat taking on water, meant that Billy and Gerry were able to ease past us with their slow measured strokes, and they had about a minute on us by the far shore, the McCabes having caught up with us as well.

Our transition back to the bike/run was top notch, and we were well up the road whilst Pissing Wand and the McCabes were still flaffing about with paddles and shoes and bike re-assembly.

When we reached the path up to the archery at CP5, Passing Wind had caught us and were about three steps ahead of us, but we nipped through the trees and managed to sneak in just in front of them. This was a manoeuvre that had us leaving the archery in first place, but little did we know at the time that it was ultimately to scupper our chance of a race win, given confusion over a right of passage through private property.

Having run round the road in a vain attempt to catch up with Davy on the bike, during the ten minutes or so of confusion as I tried to find him, Pissing Wand and then Deliverance Brothers zoomed past. Sean and Conor, to their credit, pretended to give a damn that I had lost Davy, bless them! The McCabes, as it turned out, were off on another wild goose-chase somewhere, but we didn’t learn that until much later, thinking them to be well ahead instead.

Still cursing our luck as we started into the long climb up to CP7, we could see Deliverance Brothers about 5 minutes ahead of us up the path, and Passing Wind just disappearing over the crest, about another 5 minutes in front. We ate into the deficit with Deliverance Brothers a little bit up to CP7, but could not catch them, until we came upon them trying to fix a puncture. We could see them ahead on the skyline, both off the bikes, wildly gesticulating, kicking things and throwing wheels and tyres around and generally cursing life; it turned out that their spare tubes did not fit their rims, so they were REALLY stuffed.

By the time we had reached the guys, we had wiped the big grins off our faces and replaced them with concerned and sincere sympathetic frowns. Barely stifling our glee at their misfortune, we gave the lads one of our spare tubes and then got the hell out of there as fast as we could, to minimise their chances of catching us.

Just after we left them, we were amazed to see the McCabes coming up behind us again, and they flew past us and disappeared, not to be seen again until the finish.

Somehow, despite being crippled by the cold and our efforts to date, we managed to get round the obstacle course at the football pitch, but the bunny hops felt more like high jump for us.

At this point, we concluded our debate as to whether to go for the two 1-hour bonuses or not. We reckoned Pissing Wand and the McCabes would definitely go for them and there was no way we were going to catch them. The other key factor was that I could barely walk with cold and general fatigue, meaning it would probably not be worth it anyway. So the die was cast. We decided to go for the two 30-minute bike bonuses, finish early, and hope that Passing Wind and the McCabes didn’t get the benefit of the mountain bonuses.

We made good time round the roads, picked up the first bonus, and as we were leaving it, Deliverance Brothers were just arriving, with their puncture now fixed. We pressed on hard, picked up the final bonus and were back at the centre at about 3:10, the first team back. We were deftly handled at the basketball task by Rachel, and were quickly clocked in by Joan, off for a cold shower and full of hot soup and goodies. Deliverance Brothers were in just a few minutes after us, and Pissing Wand and the McCabes followed not too long after. Once all the adjustments had been made for bonus points and archery etc, Passing Wind had taken the win, with us just nicking second place from Deliverance Brothers.

Highlight of the day was provided by Gerry McCabe in the award ceremony. Having been presented with chocolate Santas for the gallant, albeit fruitless, efforts of the McCabe Brothers on the day, Gerry proceeded to regale the remaining competitors with a hilarious impression of his new Santa-Nav side-kick! But you had to be there!

(c) Santa-Nav is a registered trademark of McCabe & McCabe, Inc. Patent pending.

A quick tribute to the 3 teams we battled hard against all through the race:

Billy & Gerry from Passing Wind basked in the glory of race and series wins

Fair play to Jonny & Gerry McCabe, who kept smiling despite a number of navigation errors

Deliverance Brothers still had plenty of gas left in the tank, as they prepared for another night on the sauce.

Tango & Cash slipped into something more comfortable and spent a relaxing evening with their wives.

The Cooley Raid - Tango & Cash featuring Dempsey & Makepeace

Tango & Cash joined forces with Dempsey & Makepeace (aka Enda and JackieO) to form a crack unit for the Cooley Raid on 1 November, and were delighted to romp home 2nd in the mixed teams, 3rd place overall.

The Cuchulainn Warriors, Gerry and Jonny McCabe, snatched the win, followed very closely by processed meat experts Irish AR Denny. Ballyfree Boys and Babe came in just behind us in 4th place, having been slowed up by an injury.

RACE REPORT

Quinn’s Bar in Camlough – the scene of many an international adventure race meet! The cool, crisp, clear day we had for the race was particularly pleasing, given the meteorological battering taken in recent races in Binevenagh and Kilbroney.

We made a decision before the race that when the hooter sounded, we would push hard on the first 1.5km run, to get to the boats first – so when the hooter went, we took the lead for a few hundred yards, ran out of gas, and hit the boats mid-pack, puffing hard.

Davy and Enda had both made the mistake of wearing far too many clothes for the start, and the sweat was absolutely billowing off them by the time we made the far end of Cam Lough – our boats looked steam-powered!

Enda had the good sense to shed a few layers at this point, but Davy prevailed with the multi-layering, a decision that was to plague him all day. Jackie and Rick were perfectly dressed, as usual.

Out of the boats and off on foot at the back of the leading pack, we were neck and neck with the Gnarly Dudes for the climb up onto Slieve Gullion, meeting loads of other teams at CP1 who had taken the more direct route up.

Nearing the first cairn checkpoint, the Cooley Raiders stormed past us back DOWN the hill looking grim, having obviously missed CP2. This spooked NUI Galway, who were then in a bit of a flap about possibly having gone past CP3, but once they steadied themselves that it lay further ahead, they disappeared quickly, and we saw them no more.

As we marched between cairns towards CP4, we could see a few teams on the far summit faffing about looking for the CP, but we knew from doing the same thing last year that the CP lay inside the wee cave, so we lost no time hunting around and dropped down towards the forest.

It was at this point that we passed Ballyfree Boys and Babe, who had been flying up to now, but one of them was clearly in bad shape with a leg injury. We found out later that the fella was not injured at all, but had retired from the race in a huff after team captain Paul Mahon had broken his pre-agreed vow of silence :-D.

Fighting our way down through the bracken, we were easily overtaken by (extremely) old adversaries Passing Wind, who were baying for back to back race victories, having triumphed in Binevenagh.

It was an easy run down the path to the bikes through Slieve Gullion Forest Park; Jackie changed into her bike shoes and munched through the first of what turned out to be a 30-piece assorted fruit hamper!

The first few km on the bikes were easy going, but we were soon puffing our way up the long tarmac slog up Black’s Mountain. We over-took Passing Wind early in the climb, and then stopped for a rest, and they had nipped past us again by the time we reached the mast.

The open-mountain grass section on the bikes was brilliant fun (despite a number of falls by Rick), and we got past Passing Wind again – Tish McCann had NEVER been off-road on a bike before, and was appropriately cautious as a result. Despite this, they were pretty much with us all the way down to the bottom and back up the long forest climb towards The Castle hill.

Searching for CP10, we were very close to making the same mistake a few others had made, but a lucky encounter with Barry from Give It A Go, and some subsequent healthy debate, ensured that we lost little time, whilst a few other teams were hunting around for the CP on the wrong side of the hill. Peter and Barry from Give It A Go were in flying form, and they lost us in no time in the next open mountain section, and that was the last we saw of them.

Jackie was at this point showing off her gymnastics ability with a spectacular pitch over the bars, thankfully resulting only in sore ribs for the rest of us, from laughing. (Jackie had the good sense to perform this manoeuvre at walking pace on soft heather, rather than flat out on a rocky path, which was the lot of Karen Duggan in a recent race outing with us in Donegal!)

Reaching the road at the bottom, our thoughts turned immediately to the almost 300-metre vertical climb we had ahead of us back up to the cut-off point. Enda and Jackie were setting the pace here, tramping up the hill no bother. Davy and Rick, badly out of gas, hung back about 300 yards just to pick up any stragglers! We could see Passing Wind way down the tarmac below us, and we knew if they were any way close to us setting out on the run, they would eat us for breakfast. We just made the cut-off with four minutes to spare, and set off on the run.

We did not see another soul during the run section, apart from 3 folks on quads, but they would not be bribed... Apart from one daft error in going to the wrong forest corner, and Enda having an energy wobble for half an hour, we managed to finish the run in good enough shape after fighting and cursing our way through the forest.

Having missed the cut-off for the paddle by a country mile, we knew all we had to do was grind it out on the bikes to finish. We flew down through Ravensdale Forest following the quicker Ulster Way route to Marble Bridge (rather than the Tain Way marked route), and started the long pull back to Camlough.

With all the battering the bikes had taken, we had lost a few of our lights, and as it was getting dark quickly, we had to keep in formation to ensure we were well lit for the traffic.

Going through Meigh, we managed to nip past Passing Wind, who suddenly took on a burst of speed for a couple of km to stay with us, but thankfully they broke after a while, and we soon also set upon the Gnarly Dudes, just making it to the finish line in front of them.

Fantastic to finish a race in the warmth and bustle of a pub, with a great spread of grub laid on as usual by the one and only Joan of CCAR, and Rachel Cinnsealach, who was tending the beef admirably at the BBQ.

A few photos from the race:

Jackie convinced us she meant business as we discussed race tactics

Davy always looked sure of himself in the navigating

Gerry Kingston from Passing Wind wouldn't go down without a fight

Paul Mahon remained chipper, despite injury befalling his team

YAAAAAWWWWWNNNNN!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

TrailBadger.com Weekend in Scotland 2008

TrailBadger.com teamed up with a few ne’er-do-wells from NTSR, and jumps-specialist Sammy Brownlee, in a Tango & Cash organised trip to Glentress, 10 – 12 October 2008.



A weekend of fantastic weather and great biking, all was going well until Ian decided on Saturday afternoon that he wasn’t getting enough attention; so he chucked himself over a jump, over the bars, and directly onto his head – reconstruction later showed it as an 8 foot vertical drop.

Smashed helmet, bashed-up head, general cuts and bruises, and it was clear that we were heading for A&E to get him checked out properly, such were the strange noises and gibberish emanating from the normally lucid Ian.

So began the most tedious 30-mile journey we had ever embarked upon, as Ian repeated the same rubbish over... and over... and over... and over again.

Clearly still totally out of it when we arrived at Borders General Hospital, after another hour or so it seemed that Ian had started to talk sense again until, under questioning from the doctor about the date, he thought it was approaching October 2003!

Sammy shows us what it's all about, just before his minor altercation with a rather large and obstinate tree!

The Great Gatsby

"Passing Wind" Strikes Back! Binevenagh 1-Day Race Report

We should have known we were all in for a battering from Billy and Gerry of Passing Wind at Binevenagh on 4th October, when they presented themselves at the start of the race in their new Stormtrooper helmets. It was indeed to be their day, in brutal weather conditions of heavy wind and rain. And Tango and Cash? Well, The Force just wasn't with us today.

Click here for a highly entertaining report on Average Joes blog (there's a first time for everything!)

Race highlight: FoyleHov Powerturn Buggies - check this place out!!

Billy and Gerry of Passing Wind were dressed to impress, and impress they did.

WARNING: Race Report - Do not read whilst driving or operating heavy machinery.

Off the bus at Mussenden Temple, the hooter sounded and, in the excitement, the first orienteering loop was completed flat out – we were all knackered by the time we started down the hill towards the beach.

Passing Wind established an early lead up the beach to the cave, but whilst the rest of us picked up the code just inside the cave entrance, Gerry seemed intent on heading on in for some additional pot-holing in his new multi-sports helmet, and they lost a bit of time.

Picking up the first bike, the teams were already well spread out, and Passing Wind had regained the advantage, with the Deliverance Brothers and Uphill Struggle also a bit ahead of us. We arrived at the ice-cream stand just as Deliverance were leaving, and I could swear I heard Sean asking for seconds.

Clearly very well brought up young men, Jonny and Mark of Uphill Struggle politely licked their ice-creams, quite the gentlemen. Not so us, particularly Davy, whose favourite musical instrument has always been the dinner bell! In two crunches and a burp, we were up and away, just ahead of the lads. (Ian of the Spartans played the gluten-free diet card here, and poor Enda had two pokes to eat himself).

We marked up our maps a bit too slowly at the caravan park, but were out the door as the fourth team onto the bikes. Once it got steep, we were soon passed by Peter Cole and his new secret weapon. They were pedalling like demons and chatting calmly to each other as they went – most depressing, and we were for once glad to be back on foot, arriving at the bike-drop just behind them and alongside Uphill Struggle.

We made decent enough work of the foot climb up to the lake, and arrived a step behind Peter Cole and his pet ostrich, but just managed to nip out of the van and into the boat ahead of them (OK, we stole the boat – it was a rather rude manoeuvre! Sorry, lads!). The lads must have put a voodoo spell on us at this point, as we made a dreadful pig’s ear of our route back down off the hill. We arrived back at the bikes in sixth place, having been second as we had hopped in front of the fellas onto the boat.

On the way down back down the track on foot, we met up with pocket dynamo Paul Mahon, whose advice to us on down-hill running technique was taken with a pinch of salt when he ended up crashing face-first into the sticks and muck, heheheeeee.

Back on the bikes, and raging that our stupid mistake had us now well off the pace, we tore through the forest, spitting various members of Average Joes out the back. We arrived at the boats just ahead of Uphill Struggle, but faffed about trying desperately get our life-jackets to close, and the lads hit the water first.

Paddling down the river, we met Passing Wind coming back, over ten minutes ahead of us. Talk turned briefly to sinking them in an act of unprecedented gamesmanship but, not wanting to tarnish the reputation of good sportsmanship associated with CCAR races, we made do with a quick splash at them before setting our sights for the checkpoint. Uphill Struggle pulled away from us a bit in the boats on the way back, and it was a relief to be off the river.

We soon caught Uphill Struggle on the bikes, and we were sure they were plum out of gas as we passed them on the road, but they stayed about fifty yards behind us all the way to the gliding club for the paper planes task. We arrived there just as Deliverance and Peter & Emu were leaving together, so we reckoned there was still merit in pushing hard, as it was getting tight.

I was seriously running out of puff here, and Davy had to practically drag me from the gliding club to the buggies at FoyleHov. We saw that Passing Wind must have lost a bit of time to here, as we arrived just as they were heading out the gate, and Peter & The Wolf were hot on their heels.

We flew round the FoyleHov buggies course, having decided that Davy would take both controls and that I would use my mind to control his left hand by ESP. This proved to be a very successful technique. Lap completed, and now totally covered in cow-shit and back on the bikes, we could see Deliverance on the road ahead, and we worked hard to try and eat into their lead, Davy again pushing the pace.

We were DELIGHTED to time out at Sampson’s Tower for the archery, and the folks with the arrows were a font of great advice. Alas, it was like throwing pearls to swine, and we each just winged the deer from the closest point and got on our way, rueing the missed opportunity for extra points.

Having easily found the yellow ribbon round the old oak tree (not lost on any country music fans) at the rough fort, the nettle stings we sustained proved great relief to our nagging rheumatism.

Into the town and along the track to the river, we somehow had it in our heads that the checkpoint was at the other side. We were both half-way across and close to being swept to our deaths when three disapproving fishermen drew our attention to the punch that was lying beside our bikes! Relieved we didn’t have to go any further, we punched the card and headed for home, Davy pedalling strongly, and me trying in vain to hang close.

We arrived back as the fourth team, just ahead of Uphill Struggle and about eleven or twelve minutes off the leaders after five hours of racing. Time adjustments will confirm timings and places, but the rumour round town is that Passing Wind just nicked it. Well done to Passing Wind – Lord Vader will be most pleased.

(Apologies for references above to Peter Cole's team-mate, whose name I don't know - the big lad was flying!)

Another superb CCAR race, finishing with the usual sumptuous spread of eats supplied afterwards by Joan - our thanks to the whole CCAR team of organisers, marshals and supporters for a fantastic day of fun in difficult conditions for racers and organisers alike.

Some photos from the race:

Ivan handled the race briefing with his usual composure and clarity

Davy proved once again to be surprisingly agile for a big fella, sinking his ice-cream with all the grace and poise of vintage Nureyev

The Spartans were starting to suffer badly after the pull along the beach, and were relieved to top their ice-creams with WD-40

Uphill Struggle took a moment on Binevenagh to double-check their co-ordinates and flirt outrageously with each other

Paul Mahon was surprised to meet us coming off the side of Binevenagh

CCAR’s Steve looked cold but steadfast as he manned the kayak section

Deliverance Brothers were now going so well, they had plenty of time to cruise for chicks

The archery marshals had to re-emphasise that there were no points available for felling the livestock in the field

Rick tried walloping the deer over the head with the bow, and was gutted to be denied a kill despite its head falling off

Peter Cole was flying as usual, but the sight of him at the end assured us that he had had to work hard to keep up with his partner

The Dark Lord himself congratulated his henchmen, Billy and Gerry of Passing Wind, on a job well done.

Mourne Mountain Marathon 2008 - Memoirs

Tango & Cash prepare to unleash the power on Day 2, shorts pulled up so high they are in contravention of the Good Friday Agreement.


With 17 teams starting and mountain-running being far from anything approaching our speciality, the target was simple – not to be last in our class. Old crafty Zeus was at his games, though – some good fortune and a high body-count meant we ended up with a tasty 8th place, enough for a prize t-shirt each and a photo-call!

Unfortunately for Davy, he was douching himself in the river when our names were called, so he has no photographic record of his only mountain running success.

Paul Mahon, having won the Gaelforce 12, the Beast of Ballyhoura, the Galway Rat Race, Celebrity Come Dancing and the Rose of Tralee in 2008, continues to be jinxed by Tango & Cash, having never won a race that we have entered. It’ll come, Paul – It’ll come.

TrailBadger.com was the best-represented brand at this year’s event, with Tango & Cash, Ian & Enda, Dale & Denise, Al, and Shirley Park all choosing to tog out in MTB’s finest tartan.

One of the highlights of the weekend was seeing poor Paul McArthur close to death and going through physical and mental hell after the heat and hubbub of Day One, so covered in salty residue that he was thrice mistaken in the camp-site for Lot’s wife. We were sure his carcass would be carrion for the buzzards on Day Two, but somehow the lad managed to rally and we could not catch them, and he and Rowan steamed on to a well-earned 5th place.

Billy & Gerry, Passing Wind to many, were very unlucky, as they were looking like matching last year’s third place until Gerry blew a gasket and strained his striddle half way through Day Two, forcing the guys to retire.

Jonny Gallier, sometime partner with Rowan and Paul and the lovely Kate as Average Joes, was forced to retire during Day One due to an injury to his partner, who was cooked and eaten at the campsite, and his gear distributed to the poor.

Misfortune also befell Al and Taryn, who wandered around on the side of Slieve Muck until Wednesday afternoon and just missed the Day 2 cut-off, forcing them to retire.

We discovered with some shock that Kevin and Cathal, normally travelling under the guise of Team Purple 2, had been disqualified for allegedly leaving their bags at the bottom of the climb up Bearnagh, but knowing both fellas as being men of unquestionable integrity, it is clear that they must have been framed for a crime they didn’t commit.

It was great to finally meet our soon-to-be-team-mate-in-the-Cooley-Raid Jackie O’Hagan, whose team unfortunately also fell foul of the demon cut-off on day two.

Our heartfelt apologies go to Ian and Enda, who were promised a weekend of great enjoyment, superb craic in the campsite, a real hoot from start to finish, the best event of the year, and also that Alpen with hot chocolate powder and water was a real nice breakfast. It was purely a chance omission that the lads were not told it was also very bloody difficult! But finish they did, in fine style as usual.

Dale & Denise, attempting their first MMM, took the bold step of travelling light by investing in a tent that weighed 11.5 grams, and were then alarmed to discover in the camp-site that it really wasn’t that big, did not have a porch, and you couldn’t sit up in it! Congratulations on finishing and finishing so well after what must have been an awful night.

Day One Quick Summary

Starting Day One, we were called for our 8:50am start with about 10 people still in front of us for the portaloos. Thankfully it was primarily number 1’s from the patrons ahead, so we got under way not too far off schedule, marked up our map, and set to running. Within 50 yards I realised that the gripless Nike street-fashion trainers from JJB Sports were a bad mistake, but it was too late to do anything about it, other than get blisters, lose toe-nails, and complain solidly for the two days.

We were quickly into the swing of things and picking up checkpoints OK. The cluster threw us a curve ball and we took a while to make our decision, but we ended up not too bad. Low-points of the day were climbing out of the Pot of Pulgarve up the side of Commedagh, and descending Bearnagh, which were both painfully slow for us. One chap arrived at the Pot with only one shoe on, the other one having been ripped apart some time before, and so he nicked the marshal’s shoes and carried on!

We were pretty knackered but going strong enough by the time we hit the camp near Fofanny Dam, with the sun still in the sky and the weather fine. Ian Luney and Paddy Mallon encouraged us in for our final steps, and Paddy was lucky not to get a clip in the ear following a misunderstanding surrounding the “Punch to Finish” sign he was holding.

Soon we had the tent up and were enjoying our tea of Supernoodles, which we complemented for supper with some Supernoodles. The evening was punctuated with cold beverages and the company of fellow competitors and Paddy, James and Stevie, who, having downed his bottle of Sambuca, was up for heading on to a night-club! Then it was time to grab forty winks before breakfasting on some more Supernoodles.

Day 2 Quick Summary

Another lovely day, we were up and at ‘em at 8:00am. We had an awful start to Day 2, with Davy’s knee giving him serious grief for the first 4 or 5 checkpoints, and this slowed us up badly. But eventually we got into our regular shuffle and had managed to nip past a few teams by the time we reached the Ben Crom dam.

At the dam, we were told there were 4 teams just ahead, all within 10 minutes of us, so we pushed on hard but only caught one of them, Kirkby & Archer. We had a great tussle with team Kirkby & Archer from below Binnian all the way to the end, and despite a bit of an energy wobble from me for about 15 minutes, we managed to reduce them to the tears of defeat on the day and had them out of reach for the last couple of checkpoints. They just pipped us at the post overall across the 2 days by a mere 3 minutes.

Soup, orange, biccies and lots of good chat completed another fantastic day in the mountains.

The shoes are in the bin, and the rucksack should be unpacked sometime in the next few weeks. That was the Mourne Mountain Marathon that was. 2009 here we come.

Mourne Mountain Marathon 2008

My top lip is the only part of me not still hurting from Mourne Mountain Marathon 2008, so until the pain subsides and we gather our thoughts, it is best just to reflect on the marvellous weather we had, which went well with view from the mid-way camp-site.

Mmm, Mmm, Mmm!

Tango & Cash will reunite in September 2008 for their first Mourne Mountain Marathon (MMM) together since 2005, when we finished hellish late and practically on stumps, so poor was our choice of footwear. No more experimenting with cheap shoes from Junction One! (We might try The Outlet in Banbridge instead).

The weekend of the MMM is one of the only times in the year when one can consume 10,000 calories a day without feeling guilty - the only problem is carrying all the required grub.

If (and it’s a big if) we get into camp ahead of ANYONE else after Day 1, it is our intention to lurk on the edge of camp to spit-roast another straggler.

Stragglers, please form an orderly queue.